This is serenity,

I walk into the room;
it is home to me.
The bass speakers boom
and the shock sets me free.
A basement apartment
in a youth's house
unlocked internal compartments
and we are roused.
The spectators mosh;
and I get slammed.
We scorn posh;
and pity is banned.
The focus is forgetting
the mornings pain;
the band is letting
us go insane.
Retrieve your identity;
hold off the thief.
This is serenity
although it is brief.
Exterminate weakness
and thrash around.
Forget the bleakness
and move to the sound.
Remember the feeling
for the rest of your life.
It helps you with dealing
with earthly strife.



[This was entered in a contest; I had to use a word bank containing {slam; morning; focus; shock; exterminate; remember; thief}].

Oxygen.

"Cry me a river, I've got real problems.
At least I take the time to go out and solve 'em."
That is what I told the youth with bloody wrists.
"People like you are rot in our midst.
I don't care that you can't afford your new shoes;
I don't care about the girlfriend you're about to lose."
I laugh in his face and he reaches for a blade.
For it is one way to make the pain fade.

I am welcomed home with a slap to the face,
a few choice words about how I am a disgrace.
Deep down I am glad this is all there is;
usually there is more that my father gives.
I force back the tears;
along with my fears.
All emotions are hid as I walk to my room.
I know that I will forget them all soon.

As I am home in the dead of night;
inside well known walls I free myself from a bight.
Just like him a razor's what I use
for it is the only way to forget the pain of abuse.
The pain is only slight;
a small sting is it's might.
I repeat the process again;
This pain seems to be my friend.

In all this pain that my nerves set free.
I forget the pain of my days and me.

The rhythm.

My back tingles as I pick up a Bass for the first time; in my ears there is the rhythm. I hear no voice yet the feeling in my bones stays true. The tingle of metal on my fingers as I glide my hand along the thickly coiled wire call to me. Piano only plays at the beginning yet guitar comes to tie in. Drums join; I patiently wait my turn. The moment strikes when my fingers should pluck swiftly at the thick metal strings. Yet My fingers fumble and fail to hit the notes. I have failed; shame seeps to my core. Moments pass though feels like years that I stand there quietly; finally I raise my head. The rhythm is still there; it will never leave.

Don't look at the sun.

"Don't look at the sun."
My mom had said.
So instead I look at the moon.
"Don't play in the street".
My dad had said.
So instead I play in the ally.
"Don't hurt yourself."
Is what my parents said.
But their care blinded me from the truth.

sXe

A youthful group- yet low they stoop,
to pick up a bottle is to pull on a throttle.
Send life to the fast lane will suppress their old pain
and it is accepted as normality.

A youthful girl- to proud in the world,
she dose what she want's; her body she flaunts.
The men they adore her bottom front door,
and her parents don't notice a thing.

A youthful teen of but sixteen.
He dose what he feels; for his wound never heals.
A plant in it's prime creates less pain per time,
and his communities to blind to see.

Now, I am only myself; I fear for my health;
I watch their mistakes and my own past breaks.
To have a life made by fuel without being a tool,
and surprisingly I don't hate myself.

A friend

I honestly like the color green;
it is the only colour I've never been.
For there is a way that our skin turns
when it is blessed by bruises and burns.
A child, a student, an adult, or me;
With each well known touch sets our blood free.
To flow away; not hindered by flesh
or to disperse inside our skin-toned mesh.
I stare in wonder at my old friend,
who comes whenever I can not defend.
I glance up; an arm is raised to strike;
his eyes glared while mine are wide.
I wince and cry out in an accustomed pain,
for I have been given a friend again.

Amphetamines

Now I'm breaking slowly,
media is screaming in my ears.
But they can't control me;
can't live of my insecurities.


So take a breath of amphetamines.
Laugh at all the kings and queens.
I don't really care
but by all means
cut out the hearts of our sullen teens.


Education teaches us.
Sit down; stand up, don't make a fuss.
Break the bank; not break the rules;
We'll become the governments next tools.

Can't catch a break; only catch the crutch.
Our great city has a poison touch.
A child born to a broken home.
A home born to a broken land.


So take a breath of amphetamines.
Laugh at all the kings and queens.
I don't really care
but by all means
cut out the hearts of our sullen teens.


And as the sky burns out
and the ground caves in.
We forget who we are
and let death cling.

Breathe
Breathe
Breathe
Stop.

I take a breath of amphetamines,
but can't laugh at all the kings and queens.
It seems I really care
and don't by any means
cut out the hearts of our sullen teens.

Jonestown Suicide.

I walk through the quiet streets of Jonestown,
my thoughts spin as I turn and look around.
I only see body's sprawled on the land,
To bring the freedom and justice as we had planed.
Yesterday there where a thousand people in the street.
Yesterday I'd heard the pitter-patter of youthful feet.
Yesterday my dear Jones had said.
If we can't fight them living we must fight them dead.
With a vat filled with water and cyanide touch
we drank for freedom, justice, and such.
For those to young in there infancy years,
we gifted them syringes with the poisonous tears.
Every woman, man, and child takes their turn.
To follow Jones orders it to what we all yearn.
In but a few minutes we all will pass on,
To live in freedom and justice foregone.

Youth

Break it down,
we're breaking all around.
No one's safe and sound
and we can't find a way to win.

We're young and and we are bold,
terrified to get old.
We're screwing up the world
and I don't think we even care.

We're trouble,
a puddle
of angst is washing in.
Surrounding,
and drowning,
we've filled up to the brim.
I can't stand myself,
and I don't even care.

I complain about my life
when I don't got any strife.
yeah my life is 'pree good,
and I'm not misunderstood.

The world is like my stage,
but you where the same at my age.
Ignorant and young,
obnoxious and dumb.


We're trouble,
a puddle
of angst is washing in.
Surrounding,
and drowning,
we've filled up to the brim.

So,
we're driving you insane.
Like you'd rather slit a vane
then listen to another moment of our stupid smother.

We're trouble,
a puddle
of angst is washing in.
Surrounding,
and drowning,
we've filled up to the brim.
I can't stand myself,
and I don't even care.

We're trouble,
a puddle
Surrounding,
and drowning,
We're trouble,
a puddle
Surrounding,
and drowning,

Their Bain.

I see a million taken down,
I see you washing in their blood.
I hear a child breaking down.
I hear they blamed me for their flood.

I walk this one last broken street,
I heard that they where once strong.
They crawl behind with broken feet.
Their cries are their only song.


Can't fight the pain,
Can't stand the shame,
Don't want to be insane.
But can't fight this.
I can't fight this.
I need a break from broken bones.
I need place to call my home.
I need to get out of this hate,
I need to get away.


I see a woman broken down,
I see the mud you made her crown.
Can't believe this is the world.
Can't believe this is my world.


Can't fight the flame,
Can't stand the strain,
Don't want them to be slain.
But can't fight this.
I can't fight this.
I need a break from broken bones.
I need place to call my home.
I need to get out of this,
I need to get away.

I see the world and all it's pain,
I see how we have caused it.
I can't believe how we stand by,
Too numb,too cruel to commit.


Can't fight the blame,
Can't stand the rain,
Don't want to be their bane,
But can't fight this.
I can't fight this.

I can't fight this.

I can't fight.

Queen of the Secret Allyway.

She lived in a secret allway
in the old part of town.
Clothed in rags as robes,
and dirt for a crown.
Day to day
She begged on the street.
Her riches where dull quarters
that she spent just to eat.
Her palace was cardboard,
and though it was cruel,
she live in a secret alleyway
and our hearts she did rule.

Twelve notes.

What if for once in my life,
I broke down and was honest to you.
Would you even notice the things I go through.
I'm sick and I'm tired of this,
each swing followed by it's own miss.
What if I broke?
What if I tried?

Just Try.

You burn,
the pain is to much to handle.
A razor to your wrist dampens the blaze.
Yet I ask why you don't just put it out,
for the world is filled with extinguishers.
Ask, and I will help you find one.

My Comic

Rob Had a contest to finish his comicish.
Here's mine.

Dear Grandmother,

Now you're dead and I don't care;
I won't shed a tear for you where never there.

Smells like teen spirit.

I sit here with my bass on my lap.
Four notes,
F-F-A-A
Music to my ears.

No, I am not doing a poem this time.
I am just stating,

I sit here with my bass on my lap.
Five notes,
G-G-B-B-A#
Music for my life.

Four sips of vodka.

Each day I think of ending it,
just one bullet;
One breath of a blade.
Each day I think of ending it,
like sun to an cloth,
I just want to fade.
Each day I think of ending it,
it hurts to stay clean;
This pain makes me afraid.
Each day I think of ending it;
but I am not that weak;
not today.

First Page of my book.

Would YOU keep reading?
Please comment on it.

Please ignore the grammar mistakes.

Chapter One – Monster inside Me – Brokencyde

I hate you, I hate you
I can't take this pain
I'm falling
Inside my head
I'm trying

I stared down at the thick wristband I was wherein. It was Red, Yellow and Purple; somehow I couldn't help but smile a little at the randomness of the colors as I fallowed my guide through the plain wooden doors, and that's when it hit me.

I'm stuck here, in the institution for crazies. Until I get better. Get better, I thought. So I'm insane now? Am I that bad? I sighed, well; I’m screwed up enough to have to be sent away from home just to go to some useless institution for ‘troubled teens’.

I sighed and looked at my wristband again; it was red, yellow and purple because those are the colors of my Issues. Red is for cutting, yellow is for suicide and purple for drug abuse. Without thinking I began to hum the song “purple pills”. Of course those aren't the only colors that are out there, as I was led down the stark gray hallway I saw people with Blue, Orange, Green, Pink, Black and White bands. I'll have to find out what they mean later. After a while I stopped looking at their wristbands but at their faces, many of them seemed withdrawn and depressed. So is this why they sent me here, I snorted. So I can become depressed and hate my life even more?

I was interrupted from my thoughts by the guide putting a hand on my shoulder and halting me before a door, well a door frame clothed in curtain. I guess they think we'll bang our heads against the door till we kill ourselves or something.

It took me only a few moments to understand everything about my room. It's white, has one small dresser, a ceiling light and no overly sharp surfaces. There was a small gray stain on the left side of the room and one of curtains by the window was tarnished, aside from that it was an overall plain room. It also had two beds; one was occupied by another girl. She looked at me and smiled, blond hair falling over her gray eyes, which she had downcast. I noticed she was dreadfully thin, I could see where her ribs ended even through the thick green turtleneck.

“You’re to stay in here until someone comes to tell you about the rules, here at we take these rules seriously.” He gave me a knowing glare; I gave him a smirk in reply. “This will be your room and Camile here is your roommate.” I nodded as the guild walked away.

“Hi, I'm Camile, but you already know that right?” She said; her voice was so faint that I could barely hear it.

I didn't plan to die today.

As I approach the edge of the riverbank I pause to think,
if my body fell in, would I sink?
To test out my theory I'd have to try,
and if I'm correct I knew I would die.

I tip toe on the edge, preparing to dive,
then realize what a waste this would be of a life.
A pointless death is frowned upon they say,
but then what was the point of each war today?

I continue to ponder what the world would want,
and decide the decision that many do flaunt.
With a carefree laugh I jumped because;
I will do what society dose.

A true fear.

Sometimes I'm afraid; I'm not afraid that you'll never stop.
I'm afraid that someday I'll begin to accept it as normality.

Ignore

There was blood on the carpet as I opened my eyes,
I looked away to forget.
There was screams in my ears as I began to listen,
I covered them to forget.
There was stench in my nose as sniffed the air,
I stopped to forget.
There was blood on my tongue as I opened my mouth,
I close it to forget.

But no matter what I to I can not forget the feeling of pain oppon my skin,
there is no quick fix to what I still feel each day,
so I just pretend.

Yesterday - Tomorrow.

It's just a dash through the numbers,
that's all our lives are.
Just one thin line carved into the gravestone at the ond of our time.
So we make a dash to be someone, do something before then.
But in the end,
it's not the dash that we make.
It's the dash that they carve.

What I learned in pre-school.

You ask who I am.
I say "I am me".
I lie.

Twelve second shotgun

I’m dragging out today ‘cuzz I am sick of tomorrow,
so does anyone just have two grams of antidote I can borrow?
I’m so sick of all this shit that’s drivein’ me up the wall,
you mother fucker try to start shit imma see how you fall.
Recently I’ve been feeling two dosen corpses tapped to my feet,
while I’m tryin’ to cross these bridges that are burnin’ round me.
You sayin' I gotta stop 'cuzz they ain't good for me.
I'm sayin' you fuck off, they help to a degree.
'cuzz I got just enough stress lickin’ at my heals;
so mother fucker just stand off ‘less you know how it feels.

Drown

I stood alone looking into the river that you had just drown in.
We see everything that happens there,
yet we did not care.
We heard your cry's from inside the it's grasp,
yet we didn't pull you out.
we pretended we didn't hear you shout.
We just let you die.
I did it too, I should take blame.
But instead we shrug it off and ignore the shame.
Just like you drown in that river,
we will drown in our shame.
We will all drown in our shame.

An alleyway isn't always inviteing.

I remember seeing you once,
you tip-toed beside a man with his lips to yours in an alleyway.
You gave love.

I remember seeing you twice,
you stood beside a man with his hood up in an alleyway.
You gave money.

I remember seeing you thrice,
you knelt beside a man with his zipper down in an alleyway.
You gave pleasure.

I remember seeing you once more,
you lay alone with your breath stopped in an alleyway.
I gave tears.

I will see you once more.