Four sips of vodka.

Each day I think of ending it,
just one bullet;
One breath of a blade.
Each day I think of ending it,
like sun to an cloth,
I just want to fade.
Each day I think of ending it,
it hurts to stay clean;
This pain makes me afraid.
Each day I think of ending it;
but I am not that weak;
not today.

First Page of my book.

Would YOU keep reading?
Please comment on it.

Please ignore the grammar mistakes.

Chapter One – Monster inside Me – Brokencyde

I hate you, I hate you
I can't take this pain
I'm falling
Inside my head
I'm trying

I stared down at the thick wristband I was wherein. It was Red, Yellow and Purple; somehow I couldn't help but smile a little at the randomness of the colors as I fallowed my guide through the plain wooden doors, and that's when it hit me.

I'm stuck here, in the institution for crazies. Until I get better. Get better, I thought. So I'm insane now? Am I that bad? I sighed, well; I’m screwed up enough to have to be sent away from home just to go to some useless institution for ‘troubled teens’.

I sighed and looked at my wristband again; it was red, yellow and purple because those are the colors of my Issues. Red is for cutting, yellow is for suicide and purple for drug abuse. Without thinking I began to hum the song “purple pills”. Of course those aren't the only colors that are out there, as I was led down the stark gray hallway I saw people with Blue, Orange, Green, Pink, Black and White bands. I'll have to find out what they mean later. After a while I stopped looking at their wristbands but at their faces, many of them seemed withdrawn and depressed. So is this why they sent me here, I snorted. So I can become depressed and hate my life even more?

I was interrupted from my thoughts by the guide putting a hand on my shoulder and halting me before a door, well a door frame clothed in curtain. I guess they think we'll bang our heads against the door till we kill ourselves or something.

It took me only a few moments to understand everything about my room. It's white, has one small dresser, a ceiling light and no overly sharp surfaces. There was a small gray stain on the left side of the room and one of curtains by the window was tarnished, aside from that it was an overall plain room. It also had two beds; one was occupied by another girl. She looked at me and smiled, blond hair falling over her gray eyes, which she had downcast. I noticed she was dreadfully thin, I could see where her ribs ended even through the thick green turtleneck.

“You’re to stay in here until someone comes to tell you about the rules, here at we take these rules seriously.” He gave me a knowing glare; I gave him a smirk in reply. “This will be your room and Camile here is your roommate.” I nodded as the guild walked away.

“Hi, I'm Camile, but you already know that right?” She said; her voice was so faint that I could barely hear it.

I didn't plan to die today.

As I approach the edge of the riverbank I pause to think,
if my body fell in, would I sink?
To test out my theory I'd have to try,
and if I'm correct I knew I would die.

I tip toe on the edge, preparing to dive,
then realize what a waste this would be of a life.
A pointless death is frowned upon they say,
but then what was the point of each war today?

I continue to ponder what the world would want,
and decide the decision that many do flaunt.
With a carefree laugh I jumped because;
I will do what society dose.

A true fear.

Sometimes I'm afraid; I'm not afraid that you'll never stop.
I'm afraid that someday I'll begin to accept it as normality.

Ignore

There was blood on the carpet as I opened my eyes,
I looked away to forget.
There was screams in my ears as I began to listen,
I covered them to forget.
There was stench in my nose as sniffed the air,
I stopped to forget.
There was blood on my tongue as I opened my mouth,
I close it to forget.

But no matter what I to I can not forget the feeling of pain oppon my skin,
there is no quick fix to what I still feel each day,
so I just pretend.

Yesterday - Tomorrow.

It's just a dash through the numbers,
that's all our lives are.
Just one thin line carved into the gravestone at the ond of our time.
So we make a dash to be someone, do something before then.
But in the end,
it's not the dash that we make.
It's the dash that they carve.

What I learned in pre-school.

You ask who I am.
I say "I am me".
I lie.

Twelve second shotgun

I’m dragging out today ‘cuzz I am sick of tomorrow,
so does anyone just have two grams of antidote I can borrow?
I’m so sick of all this shit that’s drivein’ me up the wall,
you mother fucker try to start shit imma see how you fall.
Recently I’ve been feeling two dosen corpses tapped to my feet,
while I’m tryin’ to cross these bridges that are burnin’ round me.
You sayin' I gotta stop 'cuzz they ain't good for me.
I'm sayin' you fuck off, they help to a degree.
'cuzz I got just enough stress lickin’ at my heals;
so mother fucker just stand off ‘less you know how it feels.

Drown

I stood alone looking into the river that you had just drown in.
We see everything that happens there,
yet we did not care.
We heard your cry's from inside the it's grasp,
yet we didn't pull you out.
we pretended we didn't hear you shout.
We just let you die.
I did it too, I should take blame.
But instead we shrug it off and ignore the shame.
Just like you drown in that river,
we will drown in our shame.
We will all drown in our shame.

An alleyway isn't always inviteing.

I remember seeing you once,
you tip-toed beside a man with his lips to yours in an alleyway.
You gave love.

I remember seeing you twice,
you stood beside a man with his hood up in an alleyway.
You gave money.

I remember seeing you thrice,
you knelt beside a man with his zipper down in an alleyway.
You gave pleasure.

I remember seeing you once more,
you lay alone with your breath stopped in an alleyway.
I gave tears.

I will see you once more.